This past Sunday we were out at Staples trying to buy a backpack for my son. My mobile phone rang and it was a sister that I had met at the masjid months ago. She is Pakistani and when I met her she has just recently lost her husband. They had owned a convenience store and he was shot, and died. I had always told her that if she wanted to come to class with me that she should give me a call and I would come get her.
Alhamdulilah she called on Sunday and I took her to tafsir class with me on Tuesday. We were late because it was about a 30 minute drive to pick her up at her sisters house, and then another 20 minutes to the masjid. We sat down and started to listen. A few minutes later she asked the sister that teaches the class a question. She asked if it was ok to go with her children to her husbands grave. She knew from her father that she should not, but she said her children cried and demanded to go, and she felt bad and took them. The teacher of my class, who is such a good woman, mashallah, told her no, we really are not supposed to go to the grave and that the best way to remember someone who has died is to make dua. My friend continued to ask the question, saying that it made her and her kids feel closer him when the went, and made them happy and they were so sad. Again, the teacher said, do your best to keep away and may Allah make it easy for you. It was a hard thing to hear, and witness and made even harder by the look on some of the sisters faces. It was not compassion for this womens struggle, it was more like... duh! Helloooo... women can't go to graves!! On the drive back to her sisters house, we talked about her question, and alhamdulilah she did not notice the other sisters (or at least she did not say anything). She told me that its so hard to keep her children away from it, and hard for her too. I said that as a revert I've had to change many things in my life. And at first some of them were hard, but I did my best and asked Allah to guide me. I tried to explain it to her by saying, 'now you know the answer to your question, and just do your best to do what you can. Allah knows what is in your heart.
I am happy that she called and came with me and I will get her again tomorrow night inshallah for my other class. I feel protective of her in a way... I wish she would get remarried but she says she never wants to marry again. I'm so new with Islam that its hard to try to advise someone who is a born Muslim. I don't know if I feel qualified to do that! So I will continue you on, and do my best to be a good sister to her.