Struggling to be what?

Its been a rough month for me.... I won't go into details, but I've had a lot of time to think about things and see what is really around me. At the time when I needed people most, a lot of them have not been there for me. It really is a sign that I can only trust in Allah, and not his servants here on earth.

What I wanted to write about in this post was how it seems that there is such a struggle in the Ummah to make things 'fit' with an ideal that has little to do with Islam. I've been reading a lot of forums and finding a vast array of posts and opinions. I've been really shocked by some of the things I've read. The Ummah is splitting at the seams. One theme that I've noticed is the attack against traditional Islam. There are Muslims that want to be so far of it that they mock it, and make fun of those who try to follow it. I wonder if they realize that they are being influenced by the same media bias that turns the rest of the world against Muslims?

On my internet travels I've noticed a lot of rejection of Hadith. Now I'm not talking about 'Quran only' people, I'm talking about people who consider themselves sunni Muslims, but want to be able to pick and choose what Hadiths they believe are authentic. This all goes back to the theme of this post... why do people work so hard to trim bits off and make Islam fit in the little box they want it too? I find in quite presumptuous for the average Muslim to think they have the training and knowledge to reject a hadith, just because it does not agree with what they want Islam to be. The intricate science behind authenticating Hadith takes years to understand fully, but yet people still try to take a chance with it, to fulfill their own desires.

My next point involves scholars and their rulings. Now lets just assume that everyone that claims to be a scholar is in fact a scholar (for arguments sake). If there are 2 scholars with differing opinions on a matter, it is our responsibility to read the proofs they bring from Quran & Sunnah and decide which has the more accurate proofs. Now this is where it gets tricky. We are not supposed to just pick the ruling we like more, or the one that affirms our own thoughts, but the one that truly brings more accurate and meaningful proofs. The scholars themselves (if they are in fact qualified scholars) will get 1 reward for a wrong opinion and 2 rewards for the right one. Us, on the other hand do not get this sort of blessings. We are held accountable for determining which brings more accurate proof and accepting the right one. If we follow the wrong one out of our own desires we are sinning.

Finally, as we approach Ramadan, lets all try to remember that we are one Ummah. Regardless of our differences. While some might see others as too strict, others might find someone to lax. In the end we are responsible for our own actions and Allah Subhannah wa Ta'ala will be the one to judge us. As Muslims, we can only help to guide each other to the straight path.

Weekend in Vermont

I had some time, so I went to visit my mom again. It was raining so much in Vermont that all of the crops are dying... my mothers garden was a flood and she was not too happy about it. All of the corn fields were flooded as well, except for this one just across the dirt road from my mothers house. The corn was 8 feet high and beautiful. Now granted this is not a great picture. Stupid me brought my camera but forgot the battery, so this is from my mobile phone camera.

I love it in Vermont, its very peaceful and quiet. Nature is all around you. I think I love it more because my mom is there. We have long talks about everything. We talked about my dad a lot again. How strange it is to come across something that we would like to share with him, and then remembering we can't. While at the library in town, mom found a book in the book sale on Malaysia. Dad was stationed there when he was in the RAF. She felt sad that she would not pay the $1.00 to get it for him because he would never read it.

One of the things that is hard for me with my dad is that my mother always says to me that he is in Heaven now. I don't say anything to her. I just stay silent. I don't know what to say. Thankfully she does not seem to notice my silence. When dad was dying I was in his intensive care room alone with him, just whispering La Illaha Illah Allah to him over and over again. He was so out of it, I have no idea if he heard me or understood me. I have never explained any of this to my mother. I don't want to upset her. I don't know how to tell her about our view of death and Judgment Day.

As I drove home in the rain I thought a lot about this. I ask Allah to guide my family to Islam everyday. I leave it with him.

Reverting to........

It is said that when we accept Islam, that we are reverting to Islam. That we were born Muslims and coming back to it. Alhamdulilah.

I don't think my story of reverting is that much different than anyone else's. At first I thought I would never cover, wear hijab or fast! It took about 3 months for me to even go to the Masjid. I would cover to pray but that was it... I still wore mini skirts, and tight shirts. As time passed and I learned more and more, I began to understand what my Lord wanted from me... and who was I to question it? There were stages, I didn't just jump into an abaya and niqab... it took time. But I did for the sake of Allah. My husband was pretty much the same. He didn't suddenly grow a grizzly adams beard... but eventually he did... as he saw it as a requirement sent down by Allah to our messenger.

From Abu Sa'id al-Khudri ra : Rasulullah s.a.w said : "If one of you sees (something) bad, he should change it with his his hand ; and if he is not capable of that, then with his tongue; and if he is not capable of that, then (he should detest) it with his heart; and that is the weakest faith". ( Muslim )

As a Muslim we are supposed to fix things that are wrong. First with our hands, then if we can't with our tongue, and if we can't do that we are to dislike it in our hearts. As I've mentioned in other posts, I participate on a lot of forums. If a question is asked about Islam, I will do the best I can to answer it according to the Quran and Sunnah. This usually means going to scholarly sources for answers, I don't just make it up myself! If I see someone else answering and it might not be right, I will try to correct that error. This seems to cause issues with some of my more liberal brothers and sisters. I think what I need to learn is to state what I know, and leave it alone. Some people see these mild corrections or advice as shoving it down their throat. When all it is, is the duty of the Muslim to protect the Ummah from misguidance. Perhaps they even feel threatened by it. Knowing in their hearts that its right, but they are not ready yet to give up the temptations of the dunya. I would have to admit this happened to me. I remember being so mad with someone for pointing out that I would have to cover my hair... I was just not ready to hear it. But in my heart I knew they were right.

There are many view points in Islam. Some are taking a more liberal approach to being Muslim. I don't follow that point of view. I believe that Islam is pure and beautiful now, as it was 1400 years ago. Its hard sometimes when people take your devotion to following the Quran and Sunnah as being 'extreme'. Its sad that when you are trying to help and inform people that you are accused of showing off or boasting of your knowledge. Its sad when a brother with a miswak in his pocket, or a sister wearing abaya is mocked... by other Muslims.

I have a lot to learn. I can admit when I'm wrong, and I have been wrong. Reverting to Islam was the best thing I have ever done. I only want to honor Allah by being the best Muslim I can be. I constantly ask him for forgiveness for my failings, and guidance to keep me on the straight path. May Allah guide us all.

A Quick Word

We all grow and evolve in Islam. When I first started this blog I ranted about how forums can be such a problem and that they can't do any good for dawah. I was wrong about that.

I've recently become more involved in a forum and I'm starting to get the real idea behind it. Sure there are still a lot of trouble makers, but its nice to really talk about Islam and help new and non Muslims understand it too. This was really brought to light to me over the last few days while participating on another forum that really has no dawah direction at all. It really showed me how much good can be done with the right intentions. Its exciting to me to be able to help people understand Islam. I get discouraged sometimes when I see other venues twisting it all around, but Allah guides whom he wills. I can only make dua for them to be guided to the straight path.

Finally. I'm at peace right now. Some really icky things happened over the last few days but I'm feeling such a sense of relief and calm right now. I thank Allah for everything that he gives me. Inshallah I can continue to learn and grow and be a better Muslim.

Salafi Bashing

Over the last week or so I've had quite the time with Salafi Bashing. I'm not the basher.. I'm the bashee (if that is even a word). I would never call myself Salafi, because technically it is wrong to attribute such a title to yourself. But I do follow the way of the Salaf. I am not one for modernization of Islam, and I am careful about who I take knowledge from.

Firstly, whenever I have a discussion with someone about an Islamic topic, I tend to pull my understanding from who I consider to be true scholars of Islam. When I do this, I get told I'm not seeing both sides and I'm being too Salafi. Is this supposed to be an insult? I mean the people I take rulings from have studied Islam all of their lives. Not just a few years here and there, but their WHOLE LIFE. They have not only memorized the Quran, but its tafsir as well. They can tell you, from memory, 1000's of hadiths with their full chains of narration. They sat with some of the best scholars of their time, and those scholars sat with the best scholars of the time before. So why.... why should I not take what they say as a valid opinion? Why should I take an opposing view instead? The same people that are asking me to do that, are not considering the opinion of the scholar that I take from, so why the double standard? And if they are considering it, they are just blownig it off as 'too Salafi'.

Next, I have issue with people who cannot forget and forgive. We all make mistakes. All of us. And when a brother or a sister makes a mistake you are to give them 70 excuses. Especially if they have asked for your forgiveness and admitted their wrong doing. When I finally think something is over, and behind me, I see it pop up again. Now perhaps I'm being paranoid, but I don't think so. I'm smart enough to know when someone is writing about me without actually saying my name. I'm not sure, but this sounds like backbiting to me.

In one of my previous posts I talked about going to a conference with close to 1000 Muslims that were on the Quran and Sunnah. I didn't see one oppressed women there. No one was being told they could not smile... no one had marbles or rocks in their mouth to distort their voice. I only say these things because of some of the ridiculous rants I've been reading lately.

Now I do understand that there are people out there that call themselves Salafi and do some horrible things, but that does not make the true followers of this path worthy of such attacks. For me, personally, its about doing the best I can, to follow the commandments of Allah, and live as a good Muslim.

Finally, I'm very concerned about this watered down version of Islam that is running rampant in the US these days. There are entire groups of people that seem dedicated to twisting and changing the true meaning of Islam. Once they find a venue for their ideas, and others to wrongly confirm them, they go crazy. I worry that people looking for answers... Muslims and non Muslims alike.... will be mislead terribly by all of this.

I ask Allah to guide us all.